Hectic. Busy. Uncertain. Excited. Worried.
And those are only a few of the words I would use to
describe the past week and how I've been feeling. Heck, that’s how I’d describe much of the past year or
so. Not all bad, but not all good, and a whole lot of highs and lows in a short
amount of time. (Needless to say, it does a number on one’s nerves and
emotions, haha.)
There’s a lot happening this week, and a lot of it is things
that should completely stress me out and cause me to question everything. Don’t
get me wrong – my adrenaline has been pumping, I’ve been a bit stressed, and
I’m just plain worn out already. Despite this, though, I haven’t been shaken to
my core. It’s as if there’s a ton of crazy happening around me, and the space
I’m in is quiet and peaceful. It’s difficult to describe, but this is the best
explanation I’ve been able to come up with:
“And the peace of God, which transcends
all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
(Philippians 4:7)
It’s a verse I heard frequently growing up in the church,
but I never quite understood it. Perhaps it was because I didn’t know what peace
really felt like, or perhaps it’s because I didn’t have such big worries, or
maybe my faith just wasn’t mature enough to comprehend it at that point. But at
this stage in life, it’s the very thing I cling to. I can assure you, it’s a
strange feeling – feeling like I should be over-the-top stressed or anxious or
worried and yet my spirit is quiet and resting. And while this deep peace doesn’t negate emotions, it makes the day-in
and day-out so much more enjoyable knowing that God has the “big picture” under
control and that everything – positive or negative – happens for a reason and is
used for his glory.
I know there’s a lot of people who might disagree with me or
think it’s just the “Christian crutch” thing. And that’s okay with me. I don’t
even have any type of intellectual or logical argument for why this isn’t just
a bunch of cockamamey crap – but that’s the point. This is peace that surpasses
my limited understanding. What I can tell you though is that this peace is real
and it is deep and it is the most remarkable thing I have ever felt. As you’re
reading this, I pray that you would know this peace that “transcends all
understanding,” however it manifests in your life today.
I have felt that same transcendent peace Cait, even in the face of multiple surgeries I never became anxious, or overly worried. This sense of peace ruffled my feathers because it seemed so "unnatural." Shouldn't I be concerned?! In August when I was told that the bone flap would have to be removed once again I was devastated. There were tears streaming down my cheeks because I felt that God had failed me, that He had abandoned me, but once the emotions subsided there was that peace once again. I was reminded of His goodness, His faithfulness. I have undergone four surgeries in total, and I believe I will not have to undergo any additional procedures. I am healed! The enemy stands against me, using fear and doubt to undermine my confidence in the Creator. Satan is doing what he can to steal my peace, my joy, and to fill me with dread. My recovery has transitioned into a spiritual wrestling match. I have to fight the Father of lies so that I might rest in the peace God has given me. I stand upon His written Word, His promises, and I proclaim them over me, over my life. The enemy wants to do me harm, but I stay fixed in God's shadow. My hope shall not be shaken by the enemy. He cannot steal what God has given me. I will fight him, and I shall persevere against his wicked schemes. According to 1John 4:4, " greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world." Christ has already claimed the victory for me; I have to walk in that victory. I have to maintain my perspective. God is bigger than my situations, He is an unrivaled force. Satan is not equal to God, but has been stripped of all authority by Jesus Christ, my lord and savior. I will not surrender my peace to a creature, that intends to "steal and kill and destroy." (John 10:10) me and what God has entrusted to me. 2 Peter 1:2 "May God give you more and more grace and peace as you grow in your knowledge of God and Jesus our Lord."
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