Ask anyone who has known me since childhood, and they’ll
likely tell you I’m the shy, quiet one. To some extent, this hasn’t changed –
I’m still on the quiet side, as listening tends to be my default position, and
I usually think for a while before I speak. In a way, I find it ironic that as
such a quiet person, I place such a high value on people sharing their stories,
particularly when I’ve been so hesitant for so long to open up and share my own
perspective.
This year, however, I’ve really started to learn how and
when to speak up. Although I’ve previously tried to challenge myself to speak
up, there was a point in the spring when I sort of “snapped” and just started
using my voice. There had been a few weeks in which there were a number of situations
in which I felt like I had no agency or autonomy. It’s almost difficult to
explain the absolute frustration I felt. Shortly after these events, I came
across a post on social media that was so disrespectful and hateful towards an
entire group of people, and I just couldn’t hold my tongue anymore. Though I
don’t usually engage in charged exchanges over social media, I had come to a
point where I knew I had to say something – even though it was completely
unrelated to the personal events of the previous weeks, I felt the frustration
of voicelessness in the deepest way and had to speak in defense of those to
whom this post was directed. I can’t say the exchange went too well, but I felt
a sense of agency I had never felt before, and it encouraged me to speak out
more frequently.
As this year has progressed, I’ve worked hard to discover
those values and issues that are most important to me – the ones that, for me,
are worth stepping out of my comfort zone a little. I’m not going to lie – it’s
a little scary to do when that hasn’t been the norm for 25 years of one’s life.
But there is something that is incredibly refreshing in discovering your voice
and claiming agency. I believe there comes a point in everyone’s life, or at
least there should be, when you recognize that not everything is done to you,
that you have a role in situations and can impact the outcome…or at the very
least, that you can add a different perspective to the conversation.
That’s part of why I love this new song – this song
resonates with me and reminds me to be “brave” and use my voice when necessary.
To some extent, the purpose of this blog is to provide the space for me to do
this, and it’s been a challenge for me to write a lot of these posts and put it
all out there. But I believe there are some things that are just too important
to keep quiet about.
I appreciate your most recent post Caitlin. I can relate, as I tend to be quiet and reserved. I’m sure that’s a shocking revelation to you. Haha! I can speak in front of a small group or stand before a large audience and deliver a presentation, but place me in a classroom, and I immediately shrink back, unable to say much of anything. I believe this came about as a result of my experiences in high-school. I always felt that I had to come up with the “correct” answer, even if we were simply asked to share our opinion on a matter. I never wanted to alienate or anger another. So, instead of risking the chance of offending someone or uttering the “wrong” answer I remained quiet, usually diverting my eyes away from the teacher or professor because knew that if our eyes met I would be called upon to give a response. Fortunately, I am becoming more vocal in the classroom. I know my fellow students more so, so I feel more at ease about opening up and sharing my thoughts or insights. I realize we are all made differently by the Creator. Some of us are a little less guarded about speaking up. Some people exclaim the first thoughts that come rolling off the presses of their minds, for better or for worse. I have always, like you Cait, carefully considered my words. I don’t simply want to add to the cacophony of noise that already surrounds us. I want to offer a positive, encouraging message, something that cuts through the racket and catches the attention of others. I want t be the guy in class who shares deep insights into various matters, who speaks calmly and confidently. I value quality over quantity.
ReplyDeleteOur faith is an inextinguishable source of hope, of joy and of comfort. I seek to proclaim the Gospel, to share with those around me the incredible works that God has done in my life. I know you want to do the same thing Cait. I believe people are drawn to a hopeful message, especially in a time when negativity is constantly thrown in our faces, and bombards our eardrums. There are some people that are capable of producing diamonds, literary works or messages that stir-up the emotions of the reader or listener; a connection exists between the one speaking and the one listening. There is a lot of garbage available for consumption, but garbage does not nurture the soul, or encourage, it never fills the emptiness that exists within the individual.
I encourage you to keep writing Cait, to continue to share your thoughts, your insights. Your perspective is your own, and I value your comments. What if people like us, the quiet and reserved from previous generations had spoken up, had become more vocal. How different would the world look like or sound like. Press on Cait and receive everything that God has for you and you will grow into the woman He has called you to be. I do not want to forfeit a single blessing that He intends to give me because I was too timid to reach out and take hold of it or acting in a disobedient fashion. I want to fulfill the plans He has for me. In Christ my life gains purpose, it gains meaning. People are in need of a savior, and through Christ not only are they transformed but their perspectives on life are changed. I began my blog in late 2011 in hopes of bolstering my own confidence in my abilities to communicate, to share my thought on issues or matters that I considered important. I have shared some very personal information on my blog in order to test the waters, to see what kind of response I would gain from strangers abroad. I have not experienced an extreme backlash, but I have enjoyed reading comments from people that have been ministered to through my writings. I am now no longer afraid of sharing or discussing topics that I would have done anything to avoid just a few years ago. I often listen too, and I think in some ways it is a unique gift. Many people cry out, but few people stop and listen to the cries an address the needs of those calling out. I think we should cultivate our gift Cait. We should open our years and listen to the stories that are in constant circulation around us. We can give attention to those that are in need of it, who deserve it. Each of us has a role to play in His Church, a role to play in this world
ReplyDeleteContinue to write Cait, to share your viewpoint. We should continue to listen, but also be prepared to speak. Just as you shared, there are people who will speak ill of others, and I think we have a responsibility to respond to those kinds of people, to provide instruction so that they might see their errors; to challenge their statements and /or misconceptions. Last year I took time to memorize Proverbs 15:1, to help me maintain a cordial relationship with the customer. The verse states:
“A gentle answer deflects anger,
but harsh words make tempers flare.”
Sometimes you encounter combative people, individuals who are looking to get into a verbal exchange. One poorly chosen word and they explode, and you bear the weight of their wrath. I think we can offer gentle yet firm, corrective, instructional words. We do not necessarily have to be soft-spoken, but we look to diffuse situations, to display the love and the grace that God shows to us.
Cait, continue to be yourself, to seek after the One who offers sound counsel and advice, who is faithful, who pours out His favor and blessings upon us. You are insightful, tenacious and a talented writer. I look forward to reading your additional posts and I will do my best to remain up to date with your blog.