A few weeks ago, during a conversation in which comments
were made on how quickly the year has gone by, someone remarked that I must be
glad the year is almost over. The comment caught me off-guard…why would I want
this year to be over? Sure, 2012 was rough, and I was certainly ready to see
that year go. But 2013?
And then it occurred to me why someone might think I’d want
this year to be over. I was broken up with twice and spent months working
through the worst heartache I’ve ever experienced; I haven’t been able to find
a job in my field despite a nine-month search and several interviews; and there
have been so many changes at work that my stress level has been through the
roof for the better part of the year as far as work is concerned.
That’s not how I see this past year though. For me, this has
been the best year of my life so far, and for so many reasons…
I’ve learned what love really looks like and how to fight
for it. I’ve also learned when and how to just let go.
I’ve let myself dream and explore those things that stir at
the core of who I am.
I’ve learned what it means to really sit with emotion and
simply own how I feel in the moment.
I have wept bitterly, but it’s only let me enjoy that much more the moments
of laughing so much your stomach hurts.
I have come to learn who my closest friends are, and that despite
the fact that friendships are changed as we move to different parts of the
country and grow into adulthood, there are friends who will just simply be
there. I’ve also learned that God brings new friends along in those seasons
when we need them most.
I’ve finally figured out how to negotiate the different “homes”
in my life, and I can fully appreciate both living on my own and the time I travel
home to be with family.
I traveled back Rwanda to do “vocation” work, and in the
process have had friends who have become family there.
I have witnessed my family grow, as we welcomed my
sister-in-law and got news of more grandkids in the extended family.
I have witnessed the faithfulness of God in some pretty huge
ways in so many small, everyday, almost unnoticeable ways, and it has helped me
move into a space of trusting God in ways I never thought I would.
Sure, it may have been a rollercoaster year in many
respects, but I wouldn’t give a moment of it back. As I think back to the
person I was on January 1 of this year, I can honestly say that it is a very
different young woman who will be walking into 2014. I feel more confident,
more sure of where I’m going in life, and more sure of who I am. I am so
excited to continue wrestling with the “tough stuff” and discovering the
authentic me in this new year.
With the holidays coming up and lots of visiting with family and
friends over the next week or so, I’m not sure I’ll get to post again this
year. So I’d like to leave you with this song I heard last week that, to me, is
such a perfect song to end 2013 with. It is my hope that at the end of each
year, and at the end of each day, you can say “I lived” to the absolute
fullest.
