What a whirlwind
the past month has been! I’ve been trying to sit down and write for so long,
and yet my time has been captured by so many other more urgent items. But
that’s how it goes, right? Nothing to say and lots of time to write, or so much
to say with no time to write. ;)
One of the last
times I wrote, I had been in a really weird space in life and wasn’t sure what
was causing the emotional funk I had found myself in. It was about mid-February
when I found out that a friend had given me one of the most generous gifts I’ve
ever received. I was absolutely floored by this gift, especially since it was
given by a friend that I have recently met and have mostly gotten to know via
social media.
As I pondered
this precious gift, it occurred to me that the deep sadness I was feeling was a
result of feeling not only unloved, but unlovable. I don’t feel the need to be
liked by everyone – I am fully aware that it’s just not realistic – but when
experience after experience tells you that you’re not worth someone’s time or
their respect, it starts to wear on you. And I had started to believe the lies.
I believed that I wasn’t worth someone’s time to be cared for, to have a
conversation, to be respected. But my friend’s gift – given freely and
selflessly – communicated to me the incredibly powerful message that I was
loved and worth loving, simply because I was a person. That was a deeply
powerful and moving statement, and for the first time in a while I felt not
only loved, but lovable.
There’s
something about that epiphany that transformed my outlook. If I was so loved just
because I was me, than how much more are others worth love and care for simply
being them and being human? It was also a powerful reminder of how much God
loves me – there was nothing I could ever do to be worthy of being loved enough
to die for me, and yet He did it anyways. He loves me simply for who I am,
because I am made in His image, and this gift was a physical reminder of that
true love of God. And by feeling so overwhelmingly loved, I felt free to love
others in real, tangible ways.
Of course, we
also know that God never just does one little (or big) thing at a time in our
lives – they come in bundles, right? Sure enough, right on the tails of this
reminder of what love really is came an incredible lesson about grace.
It’s been just
about a month now since I got a call that my supervisor for my radio
documentary project had an accident and would be out of commission for the
remainder of production time. We were two years in to the project and two weeks
out from our anticipated completion date, and suddenly I found the fate of the radio
piece in my hands. Not only did I have other major events in the works with
looming deadlines, I also had never produced a radio piece before, so I had no
clue where to even begin to finish this.
Without listing
the agonizing details of stressful endless days, there was a retired producer
who came alongside me and agreed to help me finish this. I was thrilled to have
any type of help in completing the radio piece, but she went far beyond that –
she dove in head first, teaching me the process of radio production and
investing time in my professional development. I was flabbergasted. She could
have easily said no, but she was willing to jump in next to me and walk with me
through the entire process.
As if that
weren’t enough grace, I sent a panicked email to some friends when additional
help had fallen through on a task that I had no experience (or equipment) to
complete, and within 3 hours I had a list of people ready and willing to help
out with the project. A friend agreed to take on the task, and despite
unexpected issues with the interview tapes and multiple changes by the
producer, he patiently stuck with it until the project was done. It was a form
of community and an expression of grace that I hadn’t experienced in a very
long time.
I was blown away
that so many people who had no investment in the project were willing to hop on
board at the frantic last minute and help see this project through to its
successful completion. Their patience, flexibility, and dedication were
thoroughly humbling. As much as I’ve heard about grace in church as I grewup,
it wasn’t until this month that I had a deeper understanding of what grace
really is. This tangible expression of grace from those around me was a
powerful reminder of the grace that God has shown toward me.
The past five
weeks have been hectic, exhausting, emotional, empowering, and life-changing.
More than ever, I understand now that life, and particularly the Christian
life, cannot be done alone. I have experienced true love and deep grace from
those around me, and it is the selfless actions of others that have taught me
lessons more powerful than any sermon or Sunday School class. These tangible
acts of others have humbled me and filled me, placing me in an incredible place
to give freely to others the same love and grace that has been demonstrated to
me.
